that last post was bizzare... excuse me on that.
i officially came to the conclusion that i dont know what i wanna do with my life... theres so much with the economy, money, whether im gonna be successful, its really hard. i heard its not exactly the best choice to be a teacher because the benefits are gonna slowly fade as the years go on, and there will be no jobs. i dont want to be dependant on anyone but myself, so i really need to find a job i can enjoy yet make good money.
why cant i just follow my dreams and travel the world and design for a living? why cant life be that easy? why cant i decide what i want to do and BAM im there! i actually gotta work for it... imagine that. i have no connections, and dont know the first thing about making it in the fashion world. i really dont wanna be average, and just a housewife. i want to leave a legacy and PROVE to everyone that i am somebody. thats my ultimate life goal.
i really cant wait til i leave highschool so i can finally see that i dont have to be stuck in routine all the time and i can do my own thing... and my future is near. people always tell me "enjoy your youth", but if i my parents keep me trapped up like this, how do they expect me to have any fun?? my parents even tell me to have fun as a kid... well parents, you dont let me do anything, so that kinda ruins the fun. but i am not here to complain. i am here to make my dreams come true. my cousin asked me why i cant just be a fashion designer... i just laughed. i wish it were that easy. my parents would never look at me again, my extended family as well, i would have no place to turn because i am so dependant on my family, because they made it that way by not letting me have a job or step in the outside world. i wish i could put myself in other peoples shoes for a day just to see what its like to have all that responsibility. I guess thats the price i pay for being an arab female teenager. i cant wait til i run my own life, with my partner by my side. thats really what i look forward to the most. i got a while though...
until then...i got to go to sleep!
goodnight, and peace around the worrrrrldddddddd :)
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