okay, well im not actually dressed up. and i really do have no where to go. at this point in my life, i am at a weird age. im at the age where i should be getting more freedom, but im still controlled by my parents. just an awkward situation overall. but the thing is with my life, since i am arabic and muslim, its not encouraged for girls to go out all the time; well at least culturally its not excepted for us. so, i stay home more than the normal american teen. no, i dont have a boyfriend or anything like that. i know i may talk about boys a lot but to tell you the truth, dont laugh, but we dont primarily look at a boy like "ooh, id date him" or something along those lines. we think "is he husband material?" hahah ok u can laugh, but its true. ask any girl. if she denys it, she's lying. i think a lot of girls think like that actually when we hit that age.
I've always fantisized about love, having the perfect man and all that good stuff. the one burden weighing me down is the fact that i have to get at least my bachelors degree in order to start "looking". i guess a little before then but still, its a long time. people are always telling me, "enjoy it! you're young! you'll hate being married" i think that the older generation hates being married because they didnt do it right. they didnt find the men they actually had feelings for; at least the women in our family. a man just married a woman if she knew how to cook food and was decent looking. sad. i know. but thats how it goes. im hoping to find that someone who doesnt think like that, although i can cook and, im not bad looking if i say so myself.
i believe the more patient a woman is in waiting for her man to arrive, the better he will be. i hope its true because i've been waiting and i will be waiting. that thought always gives me comfort. a couple minutes ago, before i wrote this blog, i was acutally thinking how much i have a boring life right now and seeing everyones statuses and tweets how they're all going party and out with their boyfriends, i coudlnt help but be jealous. then i thought, in a couple years, God willing, i will be able to do all those things i wanted to do with someone i love and my parents acceptance. i really cant wait. untill then, one can only wait for their prince charming. hah. yeah. lemme get through my first year of college before i do the thinking. i will be in my room sewing and making clothes, trying to start my career in fashion. yeah, thats what ill be doing.
God be with you all, including all my cousins in the Arab countries fighting for freedom, and norway. Allah be with those families inshAllah.
Peace
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
im baaaaaaaack! and here to stay :D
Its been a loooong couple of months but im back for good. Here i go, opening my big ass mouth again.
nothing has been going on in my life AT ALL. besides the fact that i am taking summer classes and just doing house duties as the 18 year old sister/daughter that i am. i dont mind it, its just that i dont see any of the people i want to see anymore. my family needs me though, and thats most important. So here i am, on blogger (no offense<3) on a friday night, drinking my hot cup of sleepy time tea. i guess i dont mind right now but while everyone is out having a life, this is how i live mine. what a poor girl, you may think. nah, im used to it, i always reply. i really dont mind. if we all went out and did the same things, drunk the same beer, partied at the same club, life would be pretty freaking boring if you ask me. we need some cool people in this world who dont need to do that kinda stuff to have a good life. i would MUCH rather be at the local coffee shop sippin on something hot and having a good conversation with a few of my friends than sippin on some spiked cup of 7 UP. just sayin, iknow how it is people. im not that sheltered.
so, one of the high lights in my life is school. fun i know. im currently taking a speech class at the local college. the class consists of people of all ages, which makes me feel so cool. i cant lie. the weird part about this is that im just now starting my first year of college and it feels like i started over. it feels like im in high school alllll over again. eeeek. i dont wanna even think about early high school right now. i feel inferior to every one and i feel like i should stay out of everyones way. i def did not feel that when i was a senior in high school. i felt like i was on top of the world. i felt like i was the Blair Woldorf of the school, even though i was far from it. Any way, i hope its just because its my first class and i am anxious. i found all this confidence in highschool, i just hope it doesnt go to waste!
Also in school, i realized that men really dont change. Soccer boy, a quite striking young man who happens to be Arabic, like me :), caught my eye the first day of class. uh oh, i thought to myself, until i saw what a doucher this guy was. soccer boy had earings, an armani exchange shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair of the annoying vans that every white boy owns. in case you didnt know, thats the definition of a doucher. i dont even know if a doucher is a word. do men ever grow up? if a man 2 years my senior is still dressing like this, and texting his whitey tidey girlfriend, and still never got the hint that he needs to start behaving, will he ever get the hint???!!! i really hope he does. are there any good men in the world??!!?!?! im finding that hard to believe. College is about to be another loooonnggg 4 years.
nothing has been going on in my life AT ALL. besides the fact that i am taking summer classes and just doing house duties as the 18 year old sister/daughter that i am. i dont mind it, its just that i dont see any of the people i want to see anymore. my family needs me though, and thats most important. So here i am, on blogger (no offense<3) on a friday night, drinking my hot cup of sleepy time tea. i guess i dont mind right now but while everyone is out having a life, this is how i live mine. what a poor girl, you may think. nah, im used to it, i always reply. i really dont mind. if we all went out and did the same things, drunk the same beer, partied at the same club, life would be pretty freaking boring if you ask me. we need some cool people in this world who dont need to do that kinda stuff to have a good life. i would MUCH rather be at the local coffee shop sippin on something hot and having a good conversation with a few of my friends than sippin on some spiked cup of 7 UP. just sayin, iknow how it is people. im not that sheltered.
so, one of the high lights in my life is school. fun i know. im currently taking a speech class at the local college. the class consists of people of all ages, which makes me feel so cool. i cant lie. the weird part about this is that im just now starting my first year of college and it feels like i started over. it feels like im in high school alllll over again. eeeek. i dont wanna even think about early high school right now. i feel inferior to every one and i feel like i should stay out of everyones way. i def did not feel that when i was a senior in high school. i felt like i was on top of the world. i felt like i was the Blair Woldorf of the school, even though i was far from it. Any way, i hope its just because its my first class and i am anxious. i found all this confidence in highschool, i just hope it doesnt go to waste!
Also in school, i realized that men really dont change. Soccer boy, a quite striking young man who happens to be Arabic, like me :), caught my eye the first day of class. uh oh, i thought to myself, until i saw what a doucher this guy was. soccer boy had earings, an armani exchange shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair of the annoying vans that every white boy owns. in case you didnt know, thats the definition of a doucher. i dont even know if a doucher is a word. do men ever grow up? if a man 2 years my senior is still dressing like this, and texting his whitey tidey girlfriend, and still never got the hint that he needs to start behaving, will he ever get the hint???!!! i really hope he does. are there any good men in the world??!!?!?! im finding that hard to believe. College is about to be another loooonnggg 4 years.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
When i wake up, you're not there....
We all have a "best friend" who we confide in, and share all of our secrets with. We can be ourselves in front of them and say things we normally wouldnt say in front of anyone else. Those people are the best. But how do you really know they aren't cheating you out? How do you know if they're not just taking advantage of your nice-ness? You don't. Ive been through so many of those "best friends" and i learned that you gotta be your own best friend sometimes. You got to trust yourself to keep your own secrets in and have some alone time to yourself to discover who you really are and what you really want out of life. You would never cheat yourself out, but another girl who you just got into a fight with would want to. Just be careful who you trust. Even if its your boyfriend or husband; there are just some things you keep to yourself. Dont trust absolutely everything you hear. Thats all i gotta say.
Thinking of you overseas... fight til you get freedom!
Thinking of you overseas... fight til you get freedom!
Friday, March 11, 2011
love, i dont get enough of it. all i get are these vampires and bloodsuckers
the title is from a song.... yeah. i dont get vampires and bloodsuckers.
anyway, i honestly dont get any love in my life. as hard as i try, i think that God wont let me. its a good thing too because im certainly not ready for a comitment. i dont even know what i like. plus i gotta love myself fully first.
self acceptance is key before love. in order for someone else to love you, one must be comfortable with their own qualities and flaws. everybody has flaws, and everybody has at least one person who hates on them. Its really hard to get used to that fact. i always knew it, but i never saw it until a couple weeks ago, and i have to admit, i felt down. when someone usually criticizes me, it usually doesnt hurt. but when they bring up personal stuff, it can emotionally scar a person. but i got some positive reinforcement. having friends and people around you to tell you that you are beautiful and knowing that people care about you is key, feeling worthless is the worst feeling in the world. it can be a serious feeling. at least one person cares for you, and at least one person hates on you. (my statistics)
I have a couple haters myself. Theres people out there who find it amusing to go out of their way just to make me feel bad, and yes it hurts, but dont let that affect you. Don't even make a comeback to them because that will just make matters worst. In your life, theres gonna be a lot of people who do that to you, but just know that you have people behind you who love you, and will remind you how much of an impact you are in their life.
Also, those friends need to be true friends. Everyone in school has "best friends", "sister-friends", "friends i knew my whole life-friends", and honestly, i get sick when i hear that. Whats the point of a label? there is no point. I just think that its an excuse to share all your secrets to a person who will deceive you one day. All friends will probably turn their back on you. most, not all. I've been through so many friends throughout high school, thinking they'd be my best friend and i can share secrets with, but honestly, its not worth it. Just write it in a blog to millions of anonymous people and you're better off!
Also, if you're a girl, you probably already realized this, or you will at one point. Men are immature. Men of all ages. They are just grown up kids who want their freedom and nothing else. I've seen so many relationships go down the drain because of a guy's immaturity. I definitely am going to save myself the heartbreak and wait for the right guy to come around.
final lesson for today, dont force anything. if it was meant to be, let it be. if it werent meant to be, dont push it! Its not worth the effort and the hurt you will face later on.
waiting on love is hard, but its worth it in the end. you'll thank yourself later on.
peace and love
xoxo
p.s. sign the petition: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/libya_no_fly_zone_1/?r=act
anyway, i honestly dont get any love in my life. as hard as i try, i think that God wont let me. its a good thing too because im certainly not ready for a comitment. i dont even know what i like. plus i gotta love myself fully first.
self acceptance is key before love. in order for someone else to love you, one must be comfortable with their own qualities and flaws. everybody has flaws, and everybody has at least one person who hates on them. Its really hard to get used to that fact. i always knew it, but i never saw it until a couple weeks ago, and i have to admit, i felt down. when someone usually criticizes me, it usually doesnt hurt. but when they bring up personal stuff, it can emotionally scar a person. but i got some positive reinforcement. having friends and people around you to tell you that you are beautiful and knowing that people care about you is key, feeling worthless is the worst feeling in the world. it can be a serious feeling. at least one person cares for you, and at least one person hates on you. (my statistics)
I have a couple haters myself. Theres people out there who find it amusing to go out of their way just to make me feel bad, and yes it hurts, but dont let that affect you. Don't even make a comeback to them because that will just make matters worst. In your life, theres gonna be a lot of people who do that to you, but just know that you have people behind you who love you, and will remind you how much of an impact you are in their life.
Also, those friends need to be true friends. Everyone in school has "best friends", "sister-friends", "friends i knew my whole life-friends", and honestly, i get sick when i hear that. Whats the point of a label? there is no point. I just think that its an excuse to share all your secrets to a person who will deceive you one day. All friends will probably turn their back on you. most, not all. I've been through so many friends throughout high school, thinking they'd be my best friend and i can share secrets with, but honestly, its not worth it. Just write it in a blog to millions of anonymous people and you're better off!
Also, if you're a girl, you probably already realized this, or you will at one point. Men are immature. Men of all ages. They are just grown up kids who want their freedom and nothing else. I've seen so many relationships go down the drain because of a guy's immaturity. I definitely am going to save myself the heartbreak and wait for the right guy to come around.
final lesson for today, dont force anything. if it was meant to be, let it be. if it werent meant to be, dont push it! Its not worth the effort and the hurt you will face later on.
waiting on love is hard, but its worth it in the end. you'll thank yourself later on.
peace and love
xoxo
p.s. sign the petition: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/libya_no_fly_zone_1/?r=act
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
dreamin with a broken heart
that last post was bizzare... excuse me on that.
i officially came to the conclusion that i dont know what i wanna do with my life... theres so much with the economy, money, whether im gonna be successful, its really hard. i heard its not exactly the best choice to be a teacher because the benefits are gonna slowly fade as the years go on, and there will be no jobs. i dont want to be dependant on anyone but myself, so i really need to find a job i can enjoy yet make good money.
why cant i just follow my dreams and travel the world and design for a living? why cant life be that easy? why cant i decide what i want to do and BAM im there! i actually gotta work for it... imagine that. i have no connections, and dont know the first thing about making it in the fashion world. i really dont wanna be average, and just a housewife. i want to leave a legacy and PROVE to everyone that i am somebody. thats my ultimate life goal.
i really cant wait til i leave highschool so i can finally see that i dont have to be stuck in routine all the time and i can do my own thing... and my future is near. people always tell me "enjoy your youth", but if i my parents keep me trapped up like this, how do they expect me to have any fun?? my parents even tell me to have fun as a kid... well parents, you dont let me do anything, so that kinda ruins the fun. but i am not here to complain. i am here to make my dreams come true. my cousin asked me why i cant just be a fashion designer... i just laughed. i wish it were that easy. my parents would never look at me again, my extended family as well, i would have no place to turn because i am so dependant on my family, because they made it that way by not letting me have a job or step in the outside world. i wish i could put myself in other peoples shoes for a day just to see what its like to have all that responsibility. I guess thats the price i pay for being an arab female teenager. i cant wait til i run my own life, with my partner by my side. thats really what i look forward to the most. i got a while though...
until then...i got to go to sleep!
goodnight, and peace around the worrrrrldddddddd :)
i officially came to the conclusion that i dont know what i wanna do with my life... theres so much with the economy, money, whether im gonna be successful, its really hard. i heard its not exactly the best choice to be a teacher because the benefits are gonna slowly fade as the years go on, and there will be no jobs. i dont want to be dependant on anyone but myself, so i really need to find a job i can enjoy yet make good money.
why cant i just follow my dreams and travel the world and design for a living? why cant life be that easy? why cant i decide what i want to do and BAM im there! i actually gotta work for it... imagine that. i have no connections, and dont know the first thing about making it in the fashion world. i really dont wanna be average, and just a housewife. i want to leave a legacy and PROVE to everyone that i am somebody. thats my ultimate life goal.
i really cant wait til i leave highschool so i can finally see that i dont have to be stuck in routine all the time and i can do my own thing... and my future is near. people always tell me "enjoy your youth", but if i my parents keep me trapped up like this, how do they expect me to have any fun?? my parents even tell me to have fun as a kid... well parents, you dont let me do anything, so that kinda ruins the fun. but i am not here to complain. i am here to make my dreams come true. my cousin asked me why i cant just be a fashion designer... i just laughed. i wish it were that easy. my parents would never look at me again, my extended family as well, i would have no place to turn because i am so dependant on my family, because they made it that way by not letting me have a job or step in the outside world. i wish i could put myself in other peoples shoes for a day just to see what its like to have all that responsibility. I guess thats the price i pay for being an arab female teenager. i cant wait til i run my own life, with my partner by my side. thats really what i look forward to the most. i got a while though...
until then...i got to go to sleep!
goodnight, and peace around the worrrrrldddddddd :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
i wrote this on my phone so its gonna seem a little weird. but here i go venting to u guys
the lesson learned today was not to let anyone take over your life to the point whwere they determinewhether youre happy or not. i made that mistake... youd think id learn the first time... or the second time... or the fifth time... or the hundreth time... i cant keep falling easy like this......the lewow, ive been focusing on the wrong stuff for the past few days. its like i as trying to force something that wasnt gonna even exist. i completely wasted my time and energy just even thinking about the subject... i hate that i did that. it did absolutely nothing in return. i would percieve something amazing in the future over one small thing. give me an inch, i take a mile. just because one small thing happened doesnt mean it means anything major... and i gotta realize that when im picking friends, lovers and trustworthy people. its really misleading to urge a person on like that then let it go nowhere. like that whole week was a waste of my time. ive done this so many times its not even funny.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
when i grow up, i wanna be FAMOUS, i wanna be a STAR, i wanna be in MOVIES
no, i really dont want to be any of those things i mentioned in my title. im just a little oscar-crazy from just watching the academy awards. Its so inspiring seeing those people on stage, and knowing that the next generation, i will be growing up with those people, and i might even know them! Theres some people i know who have some real talent and i could definetly see them making it in the film industry.
but, i must say, i do want to be famous. for the right things, of course. I want to make the most beautiful clothes for the world to see. its going to take some work of course considering the fashion industry is hard to make. but i really want to prove myself. a couple weeks ago, me and a friend were talking about our future, and i mentioned how i want to move to NY, study fashion and get famous. in the background i heard someone laugh at me... it didnt bother me. It just added more fuel to my fire set in my heart and added to the drive to prove to people that im gonna be somebody some day.
a lot of people my age say all sort of things like, oh, i want to be a film director, but they dont even know the first thing about it! im actually putting effort toward my dream. i stay up sewing designs, practice drawing, and never stop dreaming of the day i hit success.
i really truly want to make it in this industry. to prove to everyone who said i couldnt, and to everyone who said i could, and most importantly, to myself.
the hard part is that i dont know where to start. this is not a career path that is accepted in our culture. i am going to school to become a teacher. but i want to be more than that. i want to be more than average. i want to get educated but i want to LIVE. i dont know.. maybe ill start a new trend in my culture... ultimate success.
i need to give this more thought. time for bed!
(praying for protesters all over the world. FREEDOM IS NOT FAR. AND PALESTINE, YOU ARE NEXT. YOU HAVE OUR SUPPORT)
Salam.
but, i must say, i do want to be famous. for the right things, of course. I want to make the most beautiful clothes for the world to see. its going to take some work of course considering the fashion industry is hard to make. but i really want to prove myself. a couple weeks ago, me and a friend were talking about our future, and i mentioned how i want to move to NY, study fashion and get famous. in the background i heard someone laugh at me... it didnt bother me. It just added more fuel to my fire set in my heart and added to the drive to prove to people that im gonna be somebody some day.
a lot of people my age say all sort of things like, oh, i want to be a film director, but they dont even know the first thing about it! im actually putting effort toward my dream. i stay up sewing designs, practice drawing, and never stop dreaming of the day i hit success.
i really truly want to make it in this industry. to prove to everyone who said i couldnt, and to everyone who said i could, and most importantly, to myself.
the hard part is that i dont know where to start. this is not a career path that is accepted in our culture. i am going to school to become a teacher. but i want to be more than that. i want to be more than average. i want to get educated but i want to LIVE. i dont know.. maybe ill start a new trend in my culture... ultimate success.
i need to give this more thought. time for bed!
(praying for protesters all over the world. FREEDOM IS NOT FAR. AND PALESTINE, YOU ARE NEXT. YOU HAVE OUR SUPPORT)
Salam.
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