love, i dont get enough of it. all i get are these vampires and bloodsuckers

the title is from a song.... yeah. i dont get vampires and bloodsuckers.
anyway, i honestly dont get any love in my life. as hard as i try, i think that God wont let me. its a good thing too because im certainly not ready for a comitment. i dont even know what i like. plus i gotta love myself fully first.
self acceptance is key before love. in order for someone else to love you, one must be comfortable with their own qualities and flaws. everybody has flaws, and everybody has at least one person who hates on them. Its really hard to get used to that fact. i always knew it, but i never saw it until a couple weeks ago, and i have to admit, i felt down. when someone usually criticizes me, it usually doesnt hurt. but when they bring up personal stuff, it can emotionally scar a person. but i got some positive reinforcement. having friends and people around you to tell you that you are beautiful and knowing that people care about you is key, feeling worthless is the worst feeling in the world. it can be a serious feeling. at least one person cares for you, and at least one person hates on you. (my statistics)
I have a couple haters myself. Theres people out there who find it amusing to go out of their way just to make me feel bad, and yes it hurts, but dont let that affect you. Don't even make a comeback to them because that will just make matters worst. In your life, theres gonna be a lot of people who do that to you, but just know that you have people behind you who love you, and will remind you how much of an impact you are in their life.
Also, those friends need to be true friends. Everyone in school has "best friends", "sister-friends", "friends i knew my whole life-friends", and honestly, i get sick when i hear that. Whats the point of a label? there is no point. I just think that its an excuse to share all your secrets to a person who will deceive you one day. All friends will probably turn their back on you. most, not all. I've been through so many friends throughout high school, thinking they'd be my best friend and i can share secrets with, but honestly, its not worth it. Just write it in a blog to millions of anonymous people and you're better off!
Also, if you're a girl, you probably already realized this, or you will at one point. Men are immature. Men of all ages. They are just grown up kids who want their freedom and nothing else. I've seen so many relationships go down the drain because of a guy's immaturity. I definitely am going to save myself the heartbreak and wait for the right guy to come around.
final lesson for today, dont force anything. if it was meant to be, let it be. if it werent meant to be, dont push it! Its not worth the effort and the hurt you will face later on.

waiting on love is hard, but its worth it in the end. you'll thank yourself later on.
peace and love
xoxo
p.s. sign the petition: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/libya_no_fly_zone_1/?r=act

dreamin with a broken heart

that last post was bizzare... excuse me on that.
i officially came to the conclusion that i dont know what i wanna do with my life... theres so much with the economy, money, whether im gonna be successful, its really hard. i heard its not exactly the best choice to be a teacher because the benefits are gonna slowly fade as the years go on, and there will be no jobs. i dont want to be dependant on anyone but myself, so i really need to find a job i can enjoy yet make good money.
why cant i just follow my dreams and travel the world and design for a living? why cant life be that easy? why cant i decide what i want to do and BAM im there! i actually gotta work for it... imagine that. i have no connections, and dont know the first thing about making it in the fashion world. i really dont wanna be average, and just a housewife. i want to leave a legacy and PROVE to everyone that i am somebody. thats my ultimate life goal.
i really cant wait til i leave highschool so i can finally see that i dont have to be stuck in routine all the time and i can do my own thing... and my future is near. people always tell me "enjoy your youth", but if i my parents keep me trapped up like this, how do they expect me to have any fun?? my parents even tell me to have fun as a kid... well parents, you dont let me do anything, so that kinda ruins the fun. but i am not here to complain. i am here to make my dreams come true. my cousin asked me why i cant just be a fashion designer... i just laughed. i wish it were that easy. my parents would never look at me again, my extended family as well, i would have no place to turn because i am so dependant on my family, because they made it that way by not letting me have  a job or step in the outside world. i wish i could put myself in other peoples shoes for a day just to see what its like to have all that responsibility. I guess thats the price i pay for being an arab female teenager. i cant wait til i run my own life, with my partner by my side. thats really what i look forward to the most. i got a while though...
until then...i got to go to sleep!
goodnight, and peace around the worrrrrldddddddd :)

i wrote this on my phone so its gonna seem a little weird. but here i go venting to u guys

the lesson learned today was not to let anyone take over your life to the point whwere they determinewhether youre happy or not. i made that mistake... youd think id learn the first time... or the second time... or the fifth time... or the hundreth time... i cant keep falling easy like this......the lewow, ive been focusing on the wrong stuff for the past few days. its like i as trying to force something that wasnt gonna even exist. i completely wasted my time and energy just even thinking about the subject... i hate that i did that. it did absolutely nothing in return. i would percieve something amazing  in the future over one small thing. give me an inch, i take a mile. just because one small thing happened doesnt mean it means anything major... and i gotta realize that when im picking friends, lovers and trustworthy people. its really misleading to urge a person on like that then let it go nowhere. like that whole week was a waste of my time. ive done this so many times its not even funny.

when i grow up, i wanna be FAMOUS, i wanna be a STAR, i wanna be in MOVIES

no, i really dont want to be any of those things i mentioned in my title. im just a little oscar-crazy from just watching the academy awards. Its so inspiring seeing those people on stage, and knowing that the next generation, i will be growing up with those people, and i might even know them! Theres some people i know who have some real talent and i could definetly see them making it in the film industry.
but, i must say, i do want to be famous. for the right things, of course. I want to make the most beautiful clothes for the world to see. its going to take some work of course considering the fashion industry is hard to make. but i really want to prove myself. a couple weeks ago, me and a friend were talking about our future, and i mentioned how i want to move to NY, study fashion and get famous. in the background i heard someone laugh at me... it didnt bother me. It just added more fuel to my fire set in my heart and added to the drive to prove to people that im gonna be somebody some day.
a lot of people my age say all sort of things like, oh, i want to be a film director, but they dont even know the first thing about it! im actually putting effort toward my dream. i stay up sewing designs, practice drawing, and never stop dreaming of the day i hit success.
i really truly want to make it in this industry. to prove to everyone who said i couldnt, and to everyone who said i could, and most importantly, to myself.
the hard part is that i dont know where to start. this is not a career path that is accepted in our culture. i am going to school to become a teacher. but i want to be more than that. i want to be more than average. i want to get educated but i want to LIVE. i dont know.. maybe ill start a new trend in my culture... ultimate success.
i need to give this more thought. time for bed!
(praying for protesters all over the world. FREEDOM IS NOT FAR. AND PALESTINE, YOU ARE NEXT. YOU HAVE OUR SUPPORT)
Salam.

my friends, there are no friends.

My title was a quote from Coco Chanel. Although my title contradicts what I am about to write right now, I just thought it was cool.

Since I am off of school this week, I have been home cleaning, babysitting, and just lounging around the house. It's pretty relaxing if you ask me, but there is a point where a girl needs to be with her friends. That is just what I did today. Me and my friends were going to watch a movie but instead, since we had a lot to talk about, we decided to stop at a resturaunt to eat and talk. We talked about our boy problems, embarrassing moments, jokes, death, other girls; you know. girl stuff. It was really therapeutic even though my mom kept texting for me asking me of my whereabouts.
Friends are pretty crucial in a girls life. They help a girl get through the toughest times that sometimes a family cant help with. Dont get me wrong, I love my family, they're my everything, but theres some things where a girl needs her girl friends for!
Im blessed to have my friends, we have all been through so much, and I love them no matter what!
God bless and thanks for reading!
{praying for protesters in middle east}

make me happy :)

Today I woke up in this really good mood. It was almost scary. I'm still in a good mood right now! Everythings just been going right for me lately. I'm kinda scared that God is setting me up for something... like "Here Jenna, enjoy these last couple days before you get in a car crash" or "before you get in trouble with your parents", or "before your future goes downhill". I know its sad but its so weird... have you ever been in an amazing mood but something is holding you back? Thats exactly how I am right now. I guess i just gotta take a deep breath, sit back and enjoy life because I really don't know whats coming. Maybe I am being over dramatic, maybe something is going to happen, but that is no excuse to hold me back from being happy.

I had a really long conversation with my cousin (shout out!), and talking to her, and giving her advice made me realize that life is short to be anything but happy. I gotta live life for ME. No one should change just because other people are changing. One should change because they have the ultimate desire. After senior year of high school, I really want to work on finding myself. Me and my mother are planning to travel, just me and her. That is the exact therapy I need. I learn about all these places overseas like Italy, Rome, France, Egypt, and all these other exotic places, I've been so inspired. We watch these slideshows of these places; while others are dozing off in class, I am wide awake in astonishment wondering, Wow, how did the ancient Greeks create such a perfect statue like that without any technical help? I seriously get so amazed. Its so inspiring for me to go out and make something amazing myself! I really want to leave a mark in this world, I may not be as amazing as the Greeks were, but I at least want to be remembered for something. Time is a terrible thing to waste... Along with a mind. 

Thanks for your support!

SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE PROTESTERS ALL AROUND THE WORLD. I AM TRULY AMAZED BY YOUR COURAGE. 

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